I love every detail for each one is work of beauty.
I have been together with a number of guys but in my whole life, I have been in-love twice.
When I got heart broken a year ago I thought it was the end of the world with the thought that I won’t love anybody else and vice versa. I have been with two different guys and it really didn’t solve any problem I had, it only worsen it.
Now, I am with my love, Joshua Cedrex Lopez-Cafe and I am more certain than ever that I am in-love with this man, i’m in love with his hairy body, with his beard and mustache, with the way he smells, with the way he smiles, with the way he laugh, with the way he makes everyone smile, I love love love his eyes, I just love everything about him.
After years of waiting, after being together with 2 men because searching… I am contentedly say finally in-love again. Hopefully this time, it’s with the right man.
Today, November 14, 2013, I started asking myself, do I really want to stay with someone who is unsure of me? Of us? Do I really want to take the risk of waiting for his final answer whether he wants to stay or not, whether he loves me or not? I am thinking deep.
November 11, 2013
I wasn’t expecting him to visit me but I was so glad that he did. He told me that he’s done thinking and that he decided to stay.
November 12, 2013’
We went out with our friends, but there’s something different about him. Something was really unusual. I feel the care, but not the love. Yes, it was painful than ever. They had a boys night out while I stay at home having so much to think about. I called him crying “Do you want to break up?” and he answered me “Honestly? Yes.” You know what makes it so painful? The fact that I have trued everything to please him, the fact that I did not do anything to make him change his mind. He just did.
November 13, 2013
He went here in the house, unexpected. So we talked about how he wanted things to go. First he answered that he wanted to leave then asked me “Is this right?” and I answered, “No.” I know leaving isn’t the answer. It is never the answer. In love, giving up is never an option. So after I gave him advices, realizations came to him and finally decided to fight for it, to fight for us.
I was deceived by his presence. Made it seem like everything was sailing smoothly then night came and he started telling me how he’s unsure of everything, unsure of his feelings for me and unsure of us. So he asked some time for himself to think things over, and I gave it to him though pain hit me, it caused more pain than the pain I felt physically. I was still thankful for he stayed the night and took good care of me.